The beauty in change

You spin me right around...

I look at the date today and see just how close it is to April and I get a little twist in my heart. April means spring really comes, some nice warm days, grass trys to grow and my mountains make my heart soar with their spring colors topped by just a little snow. April means I am one month closer to meeting my newest child and I get to go visit my family whom I miss dearly. April means... Sterling goes to be with his daddy.

The way that our visitation is set up means that my lil man lives with daddy for three months and then mommy for three months... at least till school starts. So I have had my buddy living here since January and I know that his other family is missing him like crazy, but that doesn't change how much I don't want him to leave!

I don't know how to explain my love for my kids, and I don't think many people can. The love I have for my guy though... I just have to say wow! I don't what it is about my boy that just turns me to jelly, his little arms have always felt like heaven to me. His little face with the cheekbones and 'squishies' that I gave him, I could kiss it all day! His way of loving his momma is different than the way my girls do it, just like the way I love him is different than the way I love my girls.

It's a different bond and it seriously has only gotten better as he's gotten older... I don't know how long little boys will stay open and sweet to their mommas before its 'not cool' but I know that nothing and no one will ever change the bond I have with him.  No matter how old he gets his eyes will always melt me, and his sweet laugh and smile, with his one squinty eye will always make me smile and my arms will always long to hug and hold him!

He tells me stories about things that are in no way real and I love his imagination.

He tells me how his 'heart really wants' something, and I feel like I would move the earth to get it.

He says, "Mom, I just love you."

And Buddy, I just love you too!

Open mouth, insert...?

I am controversial

No, seriously... I am! All you have to do is look at Facebook and the highly posted upon question my friend postured and you will see!

I inflame passions of mothers everywhere by the simple words from my fingertips. Such power!

Am I bothered that a whole lotta women devoured me and one actually told me I am an abusive mother? Hmmm.... nope, not really. Because I think sitting on your child is abusive and that is, for some unknown reason, a totally acceptable punishment!

So, here's what happened... I told a friend that the way I cured my kiddos of biting was by biting them back.  Now, granted her son is pretty little and is teething and really not doing it on purpose, so it probably doesn't apply to her situation but holy cow did I wake the momma force!

So let's say you burned dinner so your husband burned your hand on the stove to teach you a lesson. Would that be okay? lol

Seriously? Umm, is this the same conversation? I hear that people disagree and I'm fine with that... but the vast difference in biting someone and burning their supper I totally don't understand.

First off, when a child bites there's reasons for it, such as... pain from teething, or anger. If you burn someone's food you either weren't paying attention, or, if you were doing it out of anger then the question comes in to say is it ok for your husband to burn your hand on the stove? Well, since I am talking about returning like with like, then... I guess, no... Because then he would have to burn my supper... its lessons being learned, not simple pain. If you are doing it for simple pain then its for the worng reason. For example... if I burned his hand on the stove on purpose, then YES... he would be justified in burning mine.

I am pretty sure I totally panicked and said nothing similar to this in the 'comment battle'... because I was too concerned that my friend now thought I was trying to convince her that chewing on your child is acceptable punishment... which I was not!

I guess that I have watched my kids grow, and my six younger sibilings, and my 8 nieces and nephews and I have seen all sorts of different parenting styles from friends etc. Some parents spank (yes, I am one of those if its needed) some put their kids onto a corner, some put their kids into a corner holding a stack of phone books, and some sit on their kids. Every single parent that does one of these, has a bad opinion and a reason why one of the others is 'wrong' or 'abusive'.

Maybe the problems are in the fact that we believe one is 'wrong' or 'abusive'. I know that there are lots of crazy people out there who do crazy and horrid things to their children, but I have to believe that, for the most part, people who care enough to make a comment about another's preference actually care about their children. And if you love your kids as much as I love mine, well then, there shouldn't be any hard feelings between us, regardless of how I grow my babies!

Its so easy to think we are 'right'... but I know from personal experience that not a single one of my kids is the exact same as the others. So why do we assume that someone else's kids are exactly the same as ours? What works for one child or family, may not work for another... but I see no problem in hearing what another mother has to say in regards to 'what would you do in this situation?'

Would I call another mother abusive? I guess if I felt strongly enough I might, but I am pretty sure that I would make sure that mother is abusive before tossing out accusations like that! I laughed... seriously LAUGHED at it because the very idea that I would do anything 'abusive' to my children is insane!

My children are grown with love, and I've bitten a finger when it needed to be, and I've spanked a butt when it needed to be, and I have put kiddos in 'timeout' when they needed to be, and I give my kids naps when they need them. But I have never, and will never abuse my children... I will never beat them, I will never cut them, I will never do a thing to one of them that can be construed as 'cruel and abusive'.

But... then again, maybe naps are considered abusive by some too?

Chocolate bath

Chocolate is from heaven. God gave us chocolate so we could see what heaven is like Period

I went to the commissary yesterday and they had GIANT chocolate bars for $1. Really. Like the HUGE Hersheys bars. I bought 3. And no... they are not gone, yet. :)

I have discovered that while I like sweets, I actually prefer dark chocolate that isn't really that sweet. I don't mind unsweetened chocolate even, that's how much I enjoy it.

My hubby doesn't like it, which makes me perfectly happy because then its ALL MINE! *Insert evil crazy person laugh here*

At any rate, I watched a show the other day where there was a spa that does chocolate baths. I couldn't even believe my eyes! How amazing would a chocolate bath be? I think the scent alone would be very relaxing. So I thought about trying to come up with a way to create my own choco bath... the problem is, I am not sure what kind of chocolate to use?

I think that dark chocolate powder might work just fine, but I am not sure how my hubby will react to coming upstairs to find me laying in a tub full of brown goo. lol!

Well, I think I might have to try it anyway, just because!

Nesting or Resting?

I am at that point in my pregnancy where nesting begins to kick in, not the hardcore nesting like right before you go into labor but the 'lets get the house ready and clean and purty' stage.

That means that I am washing the sofa and, if this is possible, OVERwashing the counters. I am actually washing laundry every day and have almost finished the dining set I am painting. I notice that I HAVE baseboards but those are so low that I just keep staring at them. I don't understand why they aren't clean yet, they shouldn't even have paint anymore, let alone DIRT on them from the looks they are getting from me!

I paper covered jars in coordinating colors so that I have some sort of desk organization going, and I'm not even gonna talk about the amount of toys and bedding, clothing etc I have gone through in the last two weeks. (I cannot wait for this upcoming sale to get it outta the house FOREVER!)

I've seriously considered getting rid of every single box that is not fully unpacked yet (without looking to see whats inside) but I just can't quite bring myself to go that far! ;)  I've got list upon list of what needs to come next and all the things I need to finish before baby comes.

The only downside to this 'nesting' stage is...

I am so tired! Its a really weird feeling to want to clean toilets at the same time as you can hardly keep your eyes open! Talk about dangerous, sleeping while scrubbing... I dunno. Then you add in the "pregnancy brain"
and it all goes downhill from there.

I really try, I work on things slowly and try to just a few things done, but the result generally ends up being less than satisfactory.
I can handle the regular sweep, mop and do dishes, but the good stuff like, ooh, I dunno... wash between the washer and dryer and organize the laundry room shelves, well those... I get about 4 minutes into it and suddenly realize that I am staring blankly at the same spot and am half asleep!

Whew... at this rate, my laundry room will be clean in about 2 weeks and between the washer and dryer??? Well, that will be about one week before never!

So, that being said... dont you think it might help if I laid down for say, a nap? Yeah, it would help if I could fall asleep! *or if Skylar agreed with me about naptime and SHE slept*

Seems like all I can do is lay in bed and make a list in my head about what needs done next!

Do What? Say what?

I have pregnancy brain



No really, this is an actual affliction. I am at the point in my pregnancy where remember what I was doing ten minutes ago is difficult, let alone all the zillion other things I have to do. I leave myself notes, or lists rather, all over the place.

Clean this and that

Wash that and the other thing

Call this person and that place

Go here and there

Remember your name

Seriously... the lists are LONG and most of them are about things that should be easy to recall. I am not a person who forgets things usually but lately... oh man!

Its like your brain has been removed and replaced by empty cells. You stare at the computer with fingers poised on the keyboard and the cursor blinking in the search box. Every time the dang thing blinks I think... "Now, what was I gonna look up?" Blink, blink, blink.... Forget it.

I get up go to do something obvious, like sweep because at least I can actually SEE the mess so once I have the broom in hand I should be ok to not forget what I am doing. Then, about halfway through sweeping, I go... "OH yeah, I was gonna look up those diapers!" Put the broom down and wander back to the computer.

REALLY stupid, because then I haven't finished sweeping and I look up the diaper only to get distracted by the kids and then I have no clue about the diaper nor do I have a clean floor. Uh duh?!

Maybe I should hire a maid....

As if I could afford a maid! How do people pay people to do what they are perfectly capable of doing themselves? ----Case in point---- So easily distracted.

Hopefully I can keep it together for the next few weeks unti this baby comes, but my poor family. My poor husband, he's likely to take a 'lunch' to work that consists of a half made sandwich and the dustpan!

More video of SkyAnna

Skylar meeting the cat.

Looking back, instead of cleaning

Ahh, memories...

I sat down a little bit ago to look through my pictures, and came across the photos from mine and Hayli's trip to see Nate graduate from BMT and our wedding.

Seeing those brought back so many memories... the pain of having him gone for so long, the feeling nervous to touch him again, the pride in seeing him become something he never thought he could, the tears of total bliss when we married each other. That was one of the best trips I have ever taken in my life!

Love that stands through trial and test

How can you explain the love you have for someone? I don't think its really possible.

When I met Nate I thought he was amazing, he was a good looking *ok, best looking man I ever met* and he was devoted to his family... talked about babysitting his neice and nephew on a Saturday night instead of going out, worked 2 jobs, one easy one in the night but he still did it.

When we started seeing each other I knew really quickly that I was falling hard and fast and it scared me. I was still afraid of love and commitment. I was not sure that I was 'good enough' for him, and it was asking a lot for a man to take on 2 children that weren't his own. So I sat down and talked to myself about it... I do this quite often... its kinda weird I know.

Learn to let yourself love

So, I told myself that I was not going to get in the way of a potentially good thing. I wanted to be a wife, mother and companion more than anything, but I had failed in so many ways by trying to control things. When I let go and told God that He could do what He wanted and I would try to hold up my end of the deal, well that's when I fell madly in love with the most amazing man in the world. But the bigger deal, that was when I let him love me! He loved me like no one ever could before, and he still does.

 Some days the way he looks at me brings me almost to tears. Its a tenderness that is almost physical in nature. I know that he would do anything for me, and I know that I would give anything in return.

Is our marriage perfect? No... no marriage is because we are all human. We argue over the dumbest things, we get annoyed at each other, and we sometimes fuss and whine. But we ALWAYS deal with it and we always come back to that love.

What is love?

I have always believed that love can overcome anything. I have been told by past boyfriends that I was wrong, that love is not enough to make a relationship last.  What I have learned is that is not true... If you look up the actual definition of love this is what it says.

–noun

 

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

 

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend

 

sexual passion or desire.

 

a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

 

(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

 

a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

 

sexual intercourse; copulation.

 

affectionate concern for the well-being of others:

 

strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything:

 

the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

 

–verb (used with object)

to have love or affection for:

 

to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

 

to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in:

 

to need or require; benefit greatly from: .

 

to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

 

to have sexual intercourse with.

 

If you look at all these you can see that the actual act of 'loving' is so much more than a simple 'feeling' true love is emotional, sexual, spiritual and an ACTION. You have to DO something to be in love, you have to act a certain way and feel the bubbles and all that... but infatuation comes first, and love develops.

How amazing is that?

 

Love is so powerful

 

 

 

 

Life. Lived.

Choices

Every day of life is a learning experience. Every single day in life we make choices and decisions that shape the rest of our future.

When I look at my life, my past vs. my present, I know I am a blessed woman. My choices have not always been the best ones for me, kind of like choosing to eat a brownie instead of an apple. You know the smart choice is the apple, but for some reason that brownie just looks a little too good! God has somehow managed to always know my heart and to see who I want to be inside of me, and He works with me each day to help that woman come through. That's not to say that the past doesn't affect my present, it does. I see it very often and a lot of my time is spent consciously changing my attitude, my thoughts and my actions.
Someone from my past once told me that people do not change, asking me if I was one person one minute and another person in a different moment. He wondered 'who are you now then? Because I know you, and people do not change.'

I do not believe that. Change is growth and everyone grows, therefore you change. Or at least you have the option to change. Some people don't want to change their lives or actions, and they don't. They stay in the same rut they have been in for years, never moving forward with their lives.

Personally, I have a lot of 'history'; good, bad and neutral. I made mistake after mistake, I've made wise choices as well, and each move I have made have made me who I am today.

My husband and I spoke this morning about the past, and how everyone looks at their lives and says, 'What if...' What if I dated this man/woman? What if I gone that school instead? The hardest part in life is accepting the choices you have made, whether good or bad and making the best out of them. Choosing to grow and change into a better person than you were before.

Can people change? Yes, I believe so, I have to believe that we can otherwise what is the point of living?

That's the way...

I LIKE it!

Yep, my hubby is the best. I know most women feel that way, but I really really think that my man has to be one of the best out there. I base this on the other men I have either been in relationships with or have seen in relationships with my friends.

When you have a man who 9 times out of 10 thinks about you, or your children before himself. Well, that's a good man.

When you have a man who tells you how beautiful you are, even when you don't look good that day... and ladies, you know what I mean, especially if you've been pregnant before! I mean, I look in the mirror and I see fat thighs, big ol rear end, squishy looking arms and no makeup or hair style to speak of.
I think ewwww... and my hubby comes up behind me, wraps his arms around me and says in that sexy voice of his.... you look great! LIAR... but I'll take it!

Simply Amazing

These are my blessings. These are the reason I live.

Alert: Intruder!

Remember how when you got married, or moved in with your significant other, you thought it would be easy? Not the living together part necessarily, but the 'easy' things, like work. Everyone works in some way, shape or form and most of us had our jobs before we began our relationships. Its simple, you go to work, you deal with the day to day, and even if you really enjoy your job, you still have days where your job gets to you.

A stressful day, a tough client, too much paperwork... we've all been there. The worst though is the boss... that supervisor who, for whatever the reason- real or invented- hates your guts and wants you to develop the plague. You know what I'm talking about, you grab coffee before you get to work (one time, because your machine at home kicked the bucket) and you get a comment about how you should budget better because Starbucks is expensive. Uh, what?

Well, we deal with it. We think, I'll just do my job and ignore what I can and it'll be fine. What you don't know is that everytime this person gets on you it affects you. So once you have that additional person in your life, living at your home, your mood begins to matter. Your problems aren't simply 'your problems' any longer. They are you and your lovers' problems, and suddenly the 'easy' things aren't so easy anymore.

The tricky part is how to deal with this. If you are a woman who's spouse is going through this then your every instinct is to tell your man exactly how to fix the problem. If you are a man who's woman is going through this, you just get frustrated because you want to fix it yourself. This causes strain on the relationship and the daily life and probably makes the situation at work even worse.

I know from my personal experience that I can't do anything to help my husband, but I am VERY tired of him coming home pissed off and closed off. I really want to go tell someone EXACTLY where they can stick that BS! Though, considering my hubby is military, I am pretty sure that doing that would either land me in jail or him in Iraq. :)
So what do we do? Do we sit on our thumbs and try to 'make it through'? No way hosea, at that rate we'll be in the same situation 3 years from now, and so sorry Charlie, but I don't have that kind of patience.

Gotta get to the bottom of it... not the bosses' issues... but to why we allow ourselves to be treated unjustly and unfairly. I know well enough that my husband happens to be VERY good at his job, very smart, pays attention, and trys his hardest to do everything that is expected above and beyond. So what's the issue? Who knows on the supervisors' end but on his, its because he's human. Because mistakes being thrown into your face over and over, and told that you are a screw up makes you screw up!

It comes down to finding your self confidence. If you know that you are doing the right things, and that you are really doing your best, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or accuses you of. If you can stand up and say, with confidence, that your supervisor is 'out to get ya' then its time to deal with it. I've been there myself and walking your butt up to that meeting with your boss' boss makes you feel like you are skydiving without a parachute. The conversation always starts out as strange and uncomfortable but finishing that conversation with dignity and class, there's nothing like that! Sitting there, non accusing but bringing to light the 'situation' as it will get called will help you to breathe easier.

What if nothing changes? Then try again. I will tell you that having work related stress and tension in your home is not worth it. Your relationship will suffer and you will be miserable. Call it cliche but life is short and spending it worrying about someone else's problem with you is a waste.

Ladies, DO NOT try to 'tell' your man how to deal with it... but build him up and give him the confidence to make that move himself. Its only powerful if he believes in it.

Men, DO try to talk to your lady about it. We women need conversation to build our confidence and knowing that you feel like you need to save us, well it just might help us to realize that there is an issue that needs fixed.

UNPLUGGING myself

Alright everyone, here is my newest attempt at blogging. I need an outlet and you, my dearest friends, (or random acquaintances and total strangers) will be my unsuspecting audience.

In this blog I will cover many things; family, friends, relationships, children, and all the ups and downs of life.

Is it going be coherent? Mostly. Is it going to be humorous? Most likely. Is it going to cover hard subjects? Most assuredly.

If you know me at all you know I am not shy, I am open and I tell the truth. I love deeply and respect people for who they are inside.

As I sat thinking what I would call my blog I thought about all the daily stresses of life and all the junk people want to get rid of after a long day at work, or a longer day with family!  How sometimes, when we sit down at the end of the day, week or month to decompress, we just sit and stare blankly at the wall or worse yet, the ceiling, while trying to sleep. Our minds run here and there, trying to cope with bills and work and family stresses. How we want to scream our story to the world in hopes that someone, or anyone would listen to what we have to say. That's when I decided I would call it SarahUnplugged, it was either that or SarahUnglued... and that just didnt have the 'cool' ring to it! I will blog but I blog in hopes that others will respond with their stories, because, well... I actually DO care what you have to say.